1. WHAT ARE SOME COMMON DATING MISTAKES YOU OFTEN ENCOUNTER?

I. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

Get clear on what's important to you in a mate. He may be gorgeous, have a great smile and charm your friends. He might even open your car door and put his coat over the puddle so your feet don't get wet. But before you become totally smitten and swept off your feet, be sure to delve a little deeper. Take a good hard look. Make sure he has the attributes and qualities you are looking for. There are always signs. Some not as subtle as others. You crave affection. He barely holds your hand. Can you live with that? He spends extravagantly. You are frugal. Does that bother you? He's got young children. Yours are grown and you love to travel. Will that become an issue? Does he ask you out during the week and never on a Saturday night? Does he talk incessantly about himself and never ask about you? Is he still online 'looking' after you've been dating for months? Make sure that the man you date is the man you want. Not the man you want him to be. You need to see the person for who they really are. Being really honest with yourself regarding these issues, is the key for successful dating.


first date questions


II. YOU STOP DATING BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN REJECTED ONCE OR TWICE.

Dating is not for the faint of heart. If you are sincere about finding a Mr. or Ms. Right, odds are high that you are going to be rejected somewhere along the line. It hurts. Sometimes even a lot. Getting dumped by anyone, especially someone you are starting to like, is not fun. But for criminy sakes, don't be a pansy and shrivel up. Someone's opinion about you is just that. An opinion. It has nothing to do with who you are or what you would like in your life. He's out there. You just have to find him. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and stay in the game. Remember. It's all part of the journey. You learn from every date, every 'ouch'. With each step, you get closer to what it is you want. As with most things in life, if you persevere, you'll find what you were looking for. The one you like and likes you.

III. GETTING TOO SERIOUS TOO SOON.

Love at first site! Instant attraction. This is it. Jump into bed. Move in by month's end. Lightening speed to the altar. What's the rush? This isn't a race. Love either grows or fades. Give it the time to do so. Get to know each other. Even if you fall madly in love in two seconds flat, doesn't mean you have to act on it. Be sure or as sure as you can. The only way to do so is give it time. You can't rush getting to know someone. Enjoy the process. Life and love are not just about getting to the next trapeze step. It's all in the swing.

IV. DATING LIKE IT'S A JOB INTERVIEW.

You're looking for a friend, a partner, a connection. Like they say in army recruiting....it's not a job, it's an adventure. So is dating. There's plenty of time to know if it's a good match. You don't have to grill him/her on the first several dates. Make it fun. Laugh. Smile. Enjoy. Even if it's not the love of your life, chances are, it's a nice person you are having dinner with, or coffee, or the movies. They are trying or they wouldn't be there. So should you. If it's a real creep, politely exit early.

2. WHEN SHOULD YOU CALL IT QUITS.

Knowing when to throw in the towel in a relationship is a tough one. But if you ask yourself some really honest questions and equally truthful answers, it may not be a difficult as you think.

- Is there any physical or emotional abuse? There are no 'buts' on this one. Bye bye.

- Do the same problems keep coming up again and again? Chances are that they are not going to go away. There is someone else out there more suitable. You just have to be willing to try to find him.

- Is he nice to your children? Your kids have enough on their plates with your divorce or death of a parent. If your children are a top priority to you, then the person you date must understand this. Period. End of sentence. - Does he Lie? Lying destroys trust. Trust is the core at every relationship. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship without it.

- No emotional connection? He is so sweet and nice. You go on date after date hoping you feel it in your heart and it keeps coming up empty. Think seriously about letting this one go as hard as it is

. - Doesn't want to meet your family or friends or you to meet theirs. My big question would be 'why?' What's he trying to hide?

- Relationship between his words and his actions are not in sync. This shows a lack of integrity and is not yours to change. Don't even try. This isn't the complete list. But it's a good start. And remember the golden dating rule. If they're too good to be true, they usually are. Most of all, use common sense, your intuition and good judgment. If that's doesn't work, get the opinion of your trusted friends. Chances are, they will give you an earful.

3. THE BEST WAY TO MEET PEOPLE - PARTICULAR PLACES, ACTIVITIES, ETC?

Online Dating. In today's world, it's a biggie. It's one of the fastest growing online groups, especially the over 40 crowd. They say that 1 in every 4 marriages today come from internet matching. It's a great tool to expand the pool of available singles in your age group and with your interests. There's lots of help out there to increase your odds of succeeding in this arena. Start by googling internet dating within your age group or interests.

Mutual Interests. It's always nice to meet someone with mutual interests. Golf. Swimming. Boating. Playing cards. Dancing. Walking your dog at the park. Bible study class or book club. Get out there and do what you love, especially around other people who have the same interests as you. Enjoyment is contagious. Someone really cute and nice might notice.

The Bars. Not everyone is comfortable in that setting. But it's an option. And if it is, choose the place where you might be most comfortable and has a reputation of attracting the type of person you might like.

Networking. Tell everyone you know you are looking to date. Great way to meet someone. If you have a friend who has a friend, chances are good you might like them. Truth is, you can meet someone anywhere. At the grocery store. Walking down your street. At work. A party. So make sure you always look your best no matter where you go. Don't forget to bring your smile everywhere. You never know who's looking. Or who might smile back.

4. WHAT ARE SOME KEY THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER WHEN DATING?

Choosing a partner wisely and well isn't easy. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. What is important to one, is not necessarily the same for another. The key to finding what you want and getting the most out of it, is to decide ahead of time what is right for you. Know your needs and being able to speak up for them clearly. Make your list. Maybe even write it down. It will give you a good point of reference to go back to in case he's just super cute and you're thinking about overlooking some questionable traits. I won't test you on these, but life will. Be really honest with yourself. You're the one who will be in the relationship. Not your friends or your mother. You can ask them their opinion, but in the end, the decision is ultimately yours. That being said, there are a few key building blocks to a relationship that are important no matter what

- COMPATIBILITY. He loves to spend. She lives to save. She wants children. He doesn't. He has a high sex drive. She'd prefer once a week. Or less. He's a great communicator. She's not. The truth is, once the infatuation phase is over (and it does end sooner or later), reality rears its head, and the question becomes....are you both 'in sync' with what you each define as important in a relationship. If you think alike on the fundamental issues, and share the same values, you have a much better chance of making it work. - RESPECT. Dictionary.com defines respect as esteem for a sense of the worth or excellence of a person. Good relationships thrive on this. Choosing someone you hold in high regard, who can help you better your best....works. Someone you think is smart and able, a person who you can count on when the going gets tough. Respect for yourself and your potential partner is vital for a successful relationship.

- HONESTY. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. A relationship built on lies has no foundation

- GOOD NEGOTIATOR. Good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all the time as people's needs change and life's demands take over. Being a partner means bringing different perspectives, strengths and weaknesses to the table. Being a good partner means being able to express them and manage the differences. Disagreements don't sink relationships. Avoiding them does. A relationship is not a guessing game. Most important...when you do 'talk', it's with compassion and caring for the other's feelings. It takes a second to wound with words and eons to heal

- GOOD LISTENER. Everyone wants and needs to be heard. Without judgment. Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving problems. Empathy is crucial. Having someone you run to, in good times and bad, is what intimacy is all about.

- THE HUMAN ELEMENT. In other words...chemistry. Can be instant. Or it can simmer and brought to a full boil with time. Either way....it's got to be there.

- WHAT COUNTS. One more thing to remember as Albert Einstein put it so aptly....."Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything that counts can be counted."

5. WHAT ARE SOME TIPS ON GETTING THE GIRL/GUY AND KEEPING HIM/HER

Be yourself. Way too hard to be someone else. Remember. It's not about 'getting someone' or not. It's about a match. It's about someone liking you for who you are...and you for them.


Dating Questions