1. WHAT ARE SOME COMMON DATING MISTAKES YOU OFTEN ENCOUNTER?
I. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
Get
clear on what's important to you in a mate. He may be gorgeous, have a
great smile and charm your friends. He might even open your car door and
put his coat over the puddle so your feet don't get wet. But before you
become totally smitten and swept off your feet, be sure to delve a
little deeper. Take a good hard look. Make sure he has the attributes
and qualities you are looking for. There are always signs. Some not as
subtle as others. You crave affection. He barely holds your hand. Can
you live with that? He spends extravagantly. You are frugal. Does that
bother you? He's got young children. Yours are grown and you love to
travel. Will that become an issue? Does he ask you out during the week
and never on a Saturday night? Does he talk incessantly about himself
and never ask about you? Is he still online 'looking' after you've been
dating for months? Make sure that the man you date is the man you want.
Not the man you want him to be. You need to see the person for who they
really are. Being really honest with yourself regarding these issues, is
the key for successful dating.
II. YOU STOP DATING BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN REJECTED ONCE OR TWICE.
Dating
is not for the faint of heart. If you are sincere about finding a Mr.
or Ms. Right, odds are high that you are going to be rejected somewhere
along the line. It hurts. Sometimes even a lot. Getting dumped by
anyone, especially someone you are starting to like, is not fun. But for
criminy sakes, don't be a pansy and shrivel up. Someone's opinion about
you is just that. An opinion. It has nothing to do with who you are or
what you would like in your life. He's out there. You just have to find
him. Pick yourself up. Dust yourself off and stay in the game. Remember.
It's all part of the journey. You learn from every date, every 'ouch'.
With each step, you get closer to what it is you want. As with most
things in life, if you persevere, you'll find what you were looking for.
The one you like and likes you.
III. GETTING TOO SERIOUS TOO SOON.
Love
at first site! Instant attraction. This is it. Jump into bed. Move in
by month's end. Lightening speed to the altar. What's the rush? This
isn't a race. Love either grows or fades. Give it the time to do so. Get
to know each other. Even if you fall madly in love in two seconds flat,
doesn't mean you have to act on it. Be sure or as sure as you can. The
only way to do so is give it time. You can't rush getting to know
someone. Enjoy the process. Life and love are not just about getting to
the next trapeze step. It's all in the swing.
IV. DATING LIKE IT'S A JOB INTERVIEW.
You're
looking for a friend, a partner, a connection. Like they say in army
recruiting....it's not a job, it's an adventure. So is dating. There's
plenty of time to know if it's a good match. You don't have to grill
him/her on the first several dates. Make it fun. Laugh. Smile. Enjoy.
Even if it's not the love of your life, chances are, it's a nice person
you are having dinner with, or coffee, or the movies. They are trying or
they wouldn't be there. So should you. If it's a real creep, politely
exit early.
2. WHEN SHOULD YOU CALL IT QUITS.
Knowing when
to throw in the towel in a relationship is a tough one. But if you ask
yourself some really honest questions and equally truthful answers, it
may not be a difficult as you think.
- Is there any physical or emotional abuse? There are no 'buts' on this one. Bye bye.
-
Do the same problems keep coming up again and again? Chances are that
they are not going to go away. There is someone else out there more
suitable. You just have to be willing to try to find him.
- Is he
nice to your children? Your kids have enough on their plates with your
divorce or death of a parent. If your children are a top priority to
you, then the person you date must understand this. Period. End of
sentence. - Does he Lie? Lying destroys trust. Trust is the core at
every relationship. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship
without it.
- No emotional connection? He is so sweet and nice.
You go on date after date hoping you feel it in your heart and it keeps
coming up empty. Think seriously about letting this one go as hard as it
is
. - Doesn't want to meet your family or friends or you to meet theirs. My big question would be 'why?' What's he trying to hide?
-
Relationship between his words and his actions are not in sync. This
shows a lack of integrity and is not yours to change. Don't even try.
This isn't the complete list. But it's a good start. And remember the
golden dating rule. If they're too good to be true, they usually are.
Most of all, use common sense, your intuition and good judgment. If
that's doesn't work, get the opinion of your trusted friends. Chances
are, they will give you an earful.
3. THE BEST WAY TO MEET PEOPLE - PARTICULAR PLACES, ACTIVITIES, ETC?
Online
Dating. In today's world, it's a biggie. It's one of the fastest
growing online groups, especially the over 40 crowd. They say that 1 in
every 4 marriages today come from internet matching. It's a great tool
to expand the pool of available singles in your age group and with your
interests. There's lots of help out there to increase your odds of
succeeding in this arena. Start by googling internet dating within your
age group or interests.
Mutual Interests. It's always nice to
meet someone with mutual interests. Golf. Swimming. Boating. Playing
cards. Dancing. Walking your dog at the park. Bible study class or book
club. Get out there and do what you love, especially around other people
who have the same interests as you. Enjoyment is contagious. Someone
really cute and nice might notice.
The Bars. Not everyone is
comfortable in that setting. But it's an option. And if it is, choose
the place where you might be most comfortable and has a reputation of
attracting the type of person you might like.
Networking. Tell
everyone you know you are looking to date. Great way to meet someone. If
you have a friend who has a friend, chances are good you might like
them. Truth is, you can meet someone anywhere. At the grocery store.
Walking down your street. At work. A party. So make sure you always look
your best no matter where you go. Don't forget to bring your smile
everywhere. You never know who's looking. Or who might smile back.
4. WHAT ARE SOME KEY THINGS PEOPLE SHOULD LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL PARTNER WHEN DATING?
Choosing
a partner wisely and well isn't easy. We are attracted to people for
all kinds of reasons. What is important to one, is not necessarily the
same for another. The key to finding what you want and getting the most
out of it, is to decide ahead of time what is right for you. Know your
needs and being able to speak up for them clearly. Make your list. Maybe
even write it down. It will give you a good point of reference to go
back to in case he's just super cute and you're thinking about
overlooking some questionable traits. I won't test you on these, but
life will. Be really honest with yourself. You're the one who will be in
the relationship. Not your friends or your mother. You can ask them
their opinion, but in the end, the decision is ultimately yours. That
being said, there are a few key building blocks to a relationship that
are important no matter what
- COMPATIBILITY. He loves to spend.
She lives to save. She wants children. He doesn't. He has a high sex
drive. She'd prefer once a week. Or less. He's a great communicator.
She's not. The truth is, once the infatuation phase is over (and it does
end sooner or later), reality rears its head, and the question
becomes....are you both 'in sync' with what you each define as important
in a relationship. If you think alike on the fundamental issues, and
share the same values, you have a much better chance of making it work. -
RESPECT. Dictionary.com defines respect as esteem for a sense of the
worth or excellence of a person. Good relationships thrive on this.
Choosing someone you hold in high regard, who can help you better your
best....works. Someone you think is smart and able, a person who you can
count on when the going gets tough. Respect for yourself and your
potential partner is vital for a successful relationship.
- HONESTY. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. A relationship built on lies has no foundation
-
GOOD NEGOTIATOR. Good relationships are negotiated and renegotiated all
the time as people's needs change and life's demands take over. Being a
partner means bringing different perspectives, strengths and weaknesses
to the table. Being a good partner means being able to express them and
manage the differences. Disagreements don't sink relationships.
Avoiding them does. A relationship is not a guessing game. Most
important...when you do 'talk', it's with compassion and caring for the
other's feelings. It takes a second to wound with words and eons to heal
-
GOOD LISTENER. Everyone wants and needs to be heard. Without judgment.
Much of the time, just having someone listen is all we need for solving
problems. Empathy is crucial. Having someone you run to, in good times
and bad, is what intimacy is all about.
- THE HUMAN ELEMENT. In
other words...chemistry. Can be instant. Or it can simmer and brought to
a full boil with time. Either way....it's got to be there.
-
WHAT COUNTS. One more thing to remember as Albert Einstein put it so
aptly....."Not everything that can be counted counts. And not everything
that counts can be counted."
5. WHAT ARE SOME TIPS ON GETTING THE GIRL/GUY AND KEEPING HIM/HER
Be
yourself. Way too hard to be someone else. Remember. It's not about
'getting someone' or not. It's about a match. It's about someone liking
you for who you are...and you for them.
Dating Questions